Thoughts on Finishing Book 3

Three down, four to go!

So I’ve just now finally finished Shield Breaker (I wrote this post literally just after I’d typed the ending and I’m uploading it two days later), and some of those scenes were so intense I had to have a lie down afterwards. I felt drained while the characters were drained – it’s strange how much writing can take out of you. I’m so happy and relieved and satisfied I’ve finished it! Seriously, parts of the book hit me really hard. My characters have been in pain, crying, covered in blood, forcefully separated from each other… This book was almost as painful as Book 4 is going to be.

Writing a few scenes I’ve dreamed about, imagined playing in movie trailers, was really surreal – especially when they turned out how I always hoped they would!

I can’t believe that I’m half a book away from being halfway through the Soul Seeker series. Because the idea for Soul Seeker has been in my head since I was 15, and in all those old versions of the series I never managed to get past Book 1. Now I’m done with Book 3 and I know this is the version of the idea that’s here to stay. I will finish it one day. I’ll write Book 7 and probably go cry for a full day.

Whenever I finish writing a book I always feel like… now what do I do?? What do I do with my life until I’m ready to start the next one?

Shield Breaker: completed 22/7/17 at 93,082 words and 39 chapters. And a very bittersweet ending.

It’s not all on Wattpad yet either – I’m still going to be uploading it a chapter a day which gives me chance to read through everything and make sure the stuff I’ve just written actually makes sense… and isn’t really stupid…

I’ve also started reading my own work out loud to myself and it’s very helpful! When revising I tend to skim read even if I don’t mean to. But reading out loud forces me to spend longer on each sentence. (Plus I’ve started getting very into character and emotional whenever I have to speak dialogue… Maybe I should be an actor. I’m kidding. I’d be a terrible actor. In Drama class they used to force us to stand up and perform, and I used to get very bad stage fright. I was a shy, quiet child, so Drama was literally hell for me. I dropped it as soon as I could…)


Writing Updates

Hi, guys! I’ve been doing a lot of writing recently, despite the fact that my first exam is in 5 days. It’s fine. I’m fine. I’m taking a break to study, I swear…

First of all, I finished Villainous!! I finished it on the 4th June, which means it took about 3-4 months to write, and its current length is 125,000 words! It’s a chunky book baby. My biggest so far. I’m excited to dive into a long read-through of the whole thing so I can start editing (and hopefully straighten out some sentences that don’t make sense), but I think I’m pleased with its current state, as I had a really detailed plan when I started writing! I always think I’ll never be able to do the big, epic scenes justice, but I usually manage okay, I think, when it actually comes to writing them! Self doubt is a writer’s worst enemy.

I also have an idea for Villainous’s sequel! Villainous has turned into a duology now, which is cool, but the idea’s still only vague at the moment…

In other news, I’ve caved in to my weaknesses and started writing Soul Seeker Book 3, even though writing it right now won’t help me get published at all… In May (the 17th, to be exact), a new character exploded into my mind. I was practically bouncing off the walls. I became so excited for the plot and how he was about to influence it. A whole new layer of the story had opened up in front of me out of nowhere, and not only that – this new guy also helps tie Books 2 and 4 in more closely! I plotted out his story and ended up fleshing out some of my important characters’ backstories, too, so I was over the moon when I’d written all my new ideas down!

I doubt I’ll be able to finish Shield Breaker (which is the working title) any time soon, but I’m pleased with what I’ve got down so far! I’m way too emotionally invested in Ciara’s story. I had to take a break after writing two intense scenes in a row, because it was affecting ME too much to continue.

I’ve started uploading Shield Breaker to Wattpad, and as I was really excited, I wrote about how honestly amazed I am that people have been interested enough to venture past Chapter 1 of Soul Seeker, let alone continue reading until Book 3! To my Wattpad readers, if any of you are reading this: thank you, thank you, thank you so much for taking an interest in Ciara and her Ice Age world!

In book news, I’ve been looking forward to reading Caraval by Stephanie Garber and my copy arrived yesterday! It’s so pretty. I’m going to start reading it now…

Finding Inspiration to Write

Hello! At the moment I’m waiting on replies from agents, as well as trying (and failing) to study for my A Level exams – that are only two and a half weeks away now. It still hasn’t sunk in.

I’ve also been hard at work trying to complete Villainous, which I’ll probably start querying one day if Soul Seeker doesn’t work out. I’m very close to the end, but I’ve hit a wall. The dreaded writer’s block has claimed me at last.

BUT as I’ve been writing books since I was 12, I know a way around it! Kind of.

Writer’s block or artist’s block affects us all at some point. It’s terrible, sitting and staring at a blank screen, knowing roughly what you want to write but not having the motivation or inspiration to turn your thoughts into words. Sometimes typing one sentence feels like a massive effort.

First tip: close the Word document and get away from your computer. Staring at that screen will only frustrate you – and you need some time away from your story. If you force yourself to write, the result won’t be good because there’ll be no passion behind it. It shouldn’t feel like a chore!

Second tip: watch or read something you like. For example, reread your favourite books. Put on that TV show you’ve been wanting to watch for ages. Your creative mind needs time to rest and recharge, and this is one of the best ways to do it! Seriously – dive into something you’re passionate about. You might even remember what aspect of your story gripped you when you first thought of it – and then you’ll want to return to the computer to carry on writing it.

Third tip: go for a walk, meet up with friends, go somewhere new, or just do some errands that you’ve been putting off! If you’re anything like me, at least a small percentage of your mind is always mulling over story ideas, and while you’re focusing on these other tasks something might just click! It always happens when you least expect it – story ideas have popped into my head at the most random times.

In my case, I’m about to write the chunk of Villainous that is the war. The culmination of the whole quest so far. But I’ve never written a fight that’s on such a large scale – I’m picturing what I want to happen and thinking of The Lord of the Rings – so I’ve decided to put it to one side for now. I want to do Villainous justice, I can’t force myself to write the most important scenes in the book when I feel worn out. (One reason for this might also be because of my looming exams, but I’m trying not to think about those right now. I am revising. I swear.)

So my plan at the moment is to continue reading A Court Of Wings And Ruin, the third ACOTAR book by Sarah J Maas! Oh, Sarah’s books. Sarah is my idol – I’m in love with every single one of the characters she’s created. She owns my heart. As ACOWAR is the only book she’s written that I haven’t read all of, I think it’ll be the best remedy for my writer’s block. I’m only halfway through so far and I’m so in love!

It doesn’t help that I’m anxiously waiting for an agent to reply to me, too. And trying to stay away from my emails. Supposedly the publishing industry is 90% waiting, and I’m a very impatient person, sooo…

I hope this has helped anyone struggling with writer’s block at the moment! Even if you haven’t started a book but you’re trying to think of ideas for one – these tips still apply. Try them out and see what happens! What do you find works for you?

On Writing A Book In A Month

So I finished Soul Seeker Book 2 in roughly 3 weeks. Aaand it came out at 91,000 words, making it 10,000 longer than Soul Seeker! (I’ve been meaning to write this post for ages now, it’s a bit late – I think I finished it on the 2nd April, which means I started writing it on like the 16th March.)

I always tend to write my books in a month, usually just by staying focused on it. Which means I end up writing constantly when not at school. I’ve always written this way and I honestly can’t relate to the majority of writers who seem to take 6+ months to finish a first draft. Am I rushing? Am I not spending enough time on each scene? Or am I just really weird?

I have no idea, but whatever I do, it seems to work for me. Writing this book was honestly just for myself. My A Level exams are coming up and I’ve just struggled through my last round of mock exams, so I desperately needed a creative outlet. And the plot ideas have been slowly building in my mind for a year – since I wrote and finished Soul Seeker! It felt satisfying to finally get down those scenes that have been floating in my head for so long. And when it came to it, I had such a detailed plan in mind that I didn’t even have to think about what I was writing. I knew exactly what I wanted to happen, pretty much. Sometimes I think I was born to write the Soul Seeker Series.

Writing the book was such a good way of relaxing and de-stressing. I could just tune the outside world out and focus on the project, falling in love writing every scene.

I think that’s the main reason I write. If Soul Seeker never gets published, I’ll still write the rest of the series, but for myself rather than for money – which is what I’ve done with the sequel. It’s on Wattpad at the moment, but without Soul Seeker being published it will never see the light of day. I just can’t stay away from the series and its characters. I’d be SO depressed if I couldn’t keep writing it.

I’m about to go on a complete writing hiatus until after the exam period, which I’m dreading, but I need to focus on grades and science for the next couple of months! I’m sure I’ll end up coming up with about 5 new story ideas during that time…

Oh, and speaking of: Villainous’s plot just keeps growing and growing, and I’ve ended up planning out what miiight also be a sequel! I can’t. Stop. The ideas. It feels like the story already exists, and it’s my mission to write it down.

AND I’ve dug out my old Soul Seeker notebooks to compile an overview of each separate book, so I can figure out what order everything happens in, and wow I’m excited to write Book 3 now! And Book 4. And Book 7, which will probably reduce me to a crying mess while I’m writing it. The septology is going to be epic.

On the subject of crying:

I’ve figured out why I don’t cry while writing emotional scenes. I DO get very emotional, I tend to bounce off the walls when I get new ideas for a scene, and sometimes my hands actually start shaking while I’m writing something big, but…

I’m one of those evil writers who LOVES writing misery. Angst, depression, pain… I love it. It’s so fun to write, especially when I know it’ll terrify my readers. So I tend to grin rather than cry while I’m writing, probably with the exception of character deaths. Those are hard. I hate taking complex, exciting voices out of my books.

Now I’m gonna go read The Fellowship of the Ring. I binge-watched all the LOTR movies last weekend and I think I’m obsessed. Seriously – I fall more in love with Middle-earth every time I rewatch a movie, and I’m determined to read the books all the way through.

Staring at the edge of the water

Thought I might update my current progress with the writing journey. Maybe if I get published, people will look back and see these pre-agent posts and become filled with hope for their own writing careers? Or maybe some of my current Wattpad readers will find this post? (If you’re reading this and you’ve come from Wattpad, hello! I love you all! Your comments brighten my day!)

So I got a full manuscript request from an agent a couple of months ago. I can’t even begin to describe the agony of waiting for the reply, or how crushed I was when the agent told me she’d enjoyed the book… but it wasn’t her thing. It all comes down to personal taste, and she wasn’t after a book like mine.

I’ve had a couple of really nice rejections recently, from agents telling me they think I’m a strong, polished writer for my age, and that I’ll go from strength to strength in the future. And I feel torn between wanting to go curl up and cry, and being… happy.

I’ve realised that for the first time since I started querying my (old, bad, unpublishable) novels, I feel hopeful. I’ve dragged myself out of my pit of fear and despair and hopelessness. The one I’ve been inhabiting since the age of 14. Because now, I’ve learned how to query, how to write a synopsis, and how to hook someone – the hard way. I’ve learned by failing, by picking myself up again, and although achieving my dream and becoming published seems very impossible most of the time…

I’m making progress.

And I feel hopeful for the first time because after years of trial-and-error, I know that my current book is good enough. My current query letter and synopsis is good – I’ve spent hours polishing them and discarding old drafts. And as these agents (real people in the industry who have read the full manuscript!!!) have told me, I just need to find someone who likes this kind of story.

Someone who will fall in love with it like I did. When a girl with messy blonde hair called Ciara walked into my head, holding a crossbow, wearing a snow leopard fur coat. A fiery, brash, reckless, loyal girl who isn’t afraid to speak out, to challenge, to make a mark on the world.

A girl who demanded I write her story; whose loud voice and personality refused to leave.

Thinking about how close I could be fills me with hope and also terrifies me. A lot. Because I’ve dreamed so fiercely for an agent to say ‘yes’, for someone else to believe in Soul Seeker as much as I do – someone in the book industry, no less. It is scary to keep putting yourself out there when it’s all you’ve ever wanted and you only ever get rejected.

I let my mum take over querying a few agents back in January, and she emailed a couple, but I’ve taken the reins again now. I feel like it’s time for me to query again, to feel that rush of sickening terror and adrenalin when I press ‘send’ on the email. I have to take every step of this journey – writing is purely independent (until you get an editor, I suppose) – and I need a backbone of steel if I actually want to become published.

I can feel some of that steel already.

And I don’t think it’s come from me being good at taking rejections/critiques (I’m not and it always hurts), it’s the simple fact that my dream won’t let me stop. If I ever stop writing or querying, I’ll have failed myself. I’ll have failed 12-year-old Sam, the Sam that spent hours after school writing a wolf story. I’ll have failed 15-year-old Sam, the Sam that wrote her very first full-length novel and sent her very first query out (stupidly optimistic about all the requests she thought were going to come her way). Even if there’s the slightest chance an agent will like my story, I’ll send that email.

So I’m on a mission to send queries out regularly, maybe a couple a day for the next few days or weeks. Since reading is very subjective, I have to do as much as I can to get Soul Seeker to as many people as possible. Some agents’ websites are so formal I read their bios and still have no idea what sort of story they like. Every email is a leap of faith.

But surely, surely I’ll find That Person. Surely he/she is out there. (Why does it sound like I’m talking about romance? If I had to choose between the agent of my dreams, and the guy of my dreams – the agent would win, hands down. Sorry, imaginary-guy. You’re not important enough. 12-year-old Sam and 15-year-old Sam want the agent, and I have to listen to them.)

So, if you haven’t already gathered from this post, I tend to be naturally optimistic, which also usually ends in my dreams being crushed time and time again.

During this querying spree, my other go-to hobby after I come home from being bamboozled by Chemistry (more like CheMYSTERY) and Biology is writing a new novel. (Wow, she’s a writer and look – she’s writing! Surprise, surprise.) Seriously, I read an article a while ago and saved a screenshot onto my phone – I wish I remembered what it was from – that basically said something like “be proud of being a writer. Be proud of where you’re at no matter how many rejections you get. Loads of people say they’re going to write a novel, but few actually do. You’ve done something really unusual, so keep telling stories. Enjoy telling them. Enjoy being a writer.”

Something like that. I found it really empowering, and I know that even if every agent in the country rejects me, I’ll keep telling the stories I have burning inside me. For myself. Because above all else, I write because I love it – I love creating characters, writing banter and epic action scenes I can see playing out in my head like a film, cackling like a Disney villain when I throw in unexpected plot twists, tossing my characters into hell and dragging them back out again…

Is this blog post getting too passionate? I planned on the first one being the most passionate, and the others being more chill. I hope I’m not repeating myself too much, and I hope no-one’s sat reading this like “yeah, yeah, we get it. You like to write. Whatever.”

Anyway, back to the point. I’ve started another new book, and I love it almost as much as Soul Seeker! This one was vaguely inspired by some of the amazing fanart I’ve seen for Tolkein’s The Simarillion (never actually read it, just seen the art) and Avatar: The Last Airbender. It’s set in a classic high fantasy world (with my own unique touches, of course) but the twist is that the villains are the main characters. And it’s not like Maleficent, or the Grinch – these characters are purely evil. Not misunderstood. Evil. *cackling in the distance* *lightning flashes*

And I love it! They’re so morally ambiguous, and it’s so refreshing to write. Throughout the plot (it’s gonna be huge, I can tell already) I’ll be exploring my villains’ human sides and how they’re really conflicted about what they want. As well as their bloody histories and motives. An interesting fact: so far, I’ve got the whole plot outlined… by accident?

I hate outlines. Hate, hate, hate them. I love plunging in and writing blind until I get stuck – it’s way more fun! As long as your idea is solid enough, why not? But this story… I’ve been getting random scenes and characters and inspirational moments popping up in my brain as if this story exists already, in my subconscious. Seriously, the plot has taken zero effort. I haven’t even tried. I’m actually a little disappointed, because I like making some things up along the way (I’m kidding, there will be loads of room for that as well), but there we go: an outline from start to finish has somehow surfaced in my mind.

I’m not in a rush to get this one published, as it’s nowhere near as dear to me as Soul Seeker (for now), but I’m going to enjoy uploading it chapter-by-chapter to Wattpad to see the response it gets. It might just kill me to take a break when my final A Level exams roll round in June (so close *shivers*) but the story is making me enjoy being a writer again, and it’ll hopefully stop me constantly checking my emails, and honestly, it’s been a lifeline for me already.

It’s been the only thing keeping me going through a gruelling week packed with mock exams. I’ll think about Delilah and Dante, their snarky comments to each other and their vicious passion for what they believe in, and I’ll feel better.

I’m at my happiest while writing. I know that for sure.

This post is reaaally long! Sorry! I’ll end it here! Does anyone want me to talk about a specific part of the writing process next time? I can give advice, if anyone wants to hear it?

Why I Write

I think the real question here is… why don’t I write? I’ve seen a lot of authors answer this question by saying they wanted to send a message, make a point, or change something in society. Which is amazing.

But my main reason is that I enjoy telling stories. I always have. I love creating new worlds and characters, writing descriptions that can paint a picture or inspire a certain emotion.

I get very attached to my own characters, too. They have their own voices, personalities, and I can see them – everything – vividly while I write, as if the book is a movie in my head and I need to somehow translate these images onto paper. I feel like there’s a part of myself in each character I create, even the villains, and I love making them complex, figuring out their backstories, and how their relationships develop as the story goes on.

I write because it kind of gets me through life. I can use it to escape into another world for a few hours, and get away from stress. Coming back to the characters after a while feels like meeting up with friends you haven’t seen for months. It’s the same as getting lost in one of your favourite books, only this one is mine. I make the rules.

I hope I can make someone feel the way I feel about my book. I want someone to read it and feel excited or nervous during an action scene the same way my heart pounded when I wrote it. My dream is for someone to read my novel and tell me their life has been changed for the better by my story, or that a certain scene moved them, or they’re in love with the characters.

I want it to be a comfort and an escape for someone else the same way it is for me while I’m writing it.

I honestly think that I put a piece of my heart and soul (ha, that’s ironic) inside the book when I write. When showing it to other people I feel vulnerable, like my secrets have been laid bare and someone’s going to find out something important about me by reading. Which is strange to think, because I’m not writing as myself in my books – it’s the characters’ voices, not mine. It’s weird how personal books can be, despite fantasy being so far removed from my everyday life.

I’m drawn to fantasy and historical fiction. Stories that challenge the norm, stories that pitch you into new worlds and surround you with the impossible. Who needs real life when you have magic? I love exploring these sorts of worlds as I write and describe. I love creating complex characters, delving into their emotions and their motives. When I write, I’m going on the journey with these characters. Sometimes I’m discovering things at the same time they are. Writing can be intense and emotional and it can seem worthless sometimes when you don’t get anything from your efforts, but I’m trying. And I’ll never give up. Ever.

I also feel emotions very keenly when I write. There’s one line in Soul Seeker that I wrote, in the middle of a very highly-strung, emotionally charged scene – and I typed the full stop, read it back to myself, and the impact hit me like a ton of bricks. I really felt what this one particular character was realising in that moment – part of his life had just crumbled around him. It felt like it had just happened to me, not him!

That being said, although I feel pained and I tend to laugh out loud at my characters’ sarcastic comments or jokes (please don’t judge me), I’ve never cried while writing a scene. I’ve come close, once. But we’ll see… I have a few heartbreaking scenes planned later on in the Soul Seeker Series…

First Blog Post: My Writing Journey

Hello! I’m Sam, and I’ve decided to start a blog about writing. I want to record my thoughts and feelings about my mission to become an author.

So, first things first: I’m 18 and I live in South Yorkshire, England. I’m currently studying three A-Levels and plan on taking a Biomedical Science degree at university (because everyone tells me I need a back-up plan if this writing thing doesn’t work out). Science interests me, but it’s far from being my passion in life.

I’m a writer. I’ve known it my whole life. Ever since I learnt to read I would read constantly, and around the same time I started creating stories. I’d get lost in those little worlds. When I first started to write… I’d discovered a part of myself. I don’t remember a time before writing.

I first tried to get published when I was 12 years old. I’d just finished my first ‘proper book’ (or what I thought was a proper book at the time) and begged my mum to ring up Bloomsbury. Being Harry Potter’s publisher, in my eyes they were the only publishers that mattered – and they had to publish Thunder Wolf. Thunder Wolf was an 80-page Word document, my pride and joy, the thing I’d work on every day after school. I stood anxiously next to my mum when she rang Bloomsbury up, and listened carefully when they politely rejected my story, telling my mum I’d need to get an agent first.

So that was my first book rejection. I doubt many people start getting them as young as 12.

I eventually realised Thunder Wolf was unpublishable, and put it aside in favour of new ideas. For a good few years, I cycled through idea after idea, starting a thousand different stories but never getting past the first few chapters. I was consumed by self-doubt, by the idea that my current story would never be as good as the ones I was reading. For a long time I searched desperately for the idea that would be The One, and never found it. I had a setting in mind (England, but in the future, during an Ice Age) but never a strong plot that fit.

When I was 15 (in 2014), inspired by Marvel movies, Norse mythology, and lots of different books, I wrote my first full-length novel: Shifter. I queried it to a few agents, got a few rejections, and put it aside, feeling absolutely crushed.

A few months later. It was the beginning of 2015, and I’d had a new idea. This story was about souls, and I wanted to call it The Soul Syndicate. I’d carried along a couple of Shifter’s characters (I couldn’t let go of them, I was already too attached) and the future Ice Age setting. I wrote my book feverishly – as with Shifter, it took me a month to complete. Four weeks of creativity poured out of me and onto the page.

For about a year, I went through a cycle. I’d query The Soul Syndicate to agents. They rejected it. I tried not to lose hope. I wrote a new version of TSS, renaming it Soul Seeker. Occasionally I’d break away and write something new, only for it to also be rejected. I’d figured out my own writing process and I knew what worked for me, so I wrote a few more books, experimenting with characters and new ideas and tweaking my beloved idea. It was hard – I’d become too attached to the original.

But last summer – 2016 – I decided to completely rewrite Soul Seeker. I’d give it a mega revamp. I’d change characters, settings, plot lines. I discarded what I eventually realised was bad material but kept the precious gems that were what I’d originally fallen in love with: a few key scenes and ideas. I realised the pacing of the book had been too slow. The conflict had come into play too late. So I created extra villains, a new government system, a new battle.

This book, too, I wrote in a month. And the plot kept pouring out of me – half-way through I’d realise something important would happen towards the end and literally jump out of my seat to bounce around my bedroom in excitement. I wrote plot points down with shaking hands. I could already see the sequel taking shape, the events in the aftermath of Those Big Scenes.

It was The One. I’d torn apart the original book, the idea I’d once thought as perfect. But in its place now is – I’m sure of it – the best thing I’ve ever written. Ever.

I posted it, along with another new novel of mine, on Wattpad (as sambalazs) and felt overwhelmed and excited when positive readers’ comments started building up. People do seem to like my writing – maybe I’m doing something right after all!

As at this point I was a nervous wreck from all my rejections (I ended up Googling ‘agents’ and feeling sick just looking at the word), so my mum took over emailing and querying for about a day or so (until she got bored/became too busy to keep doing it). My parents helped me write a better synopsis.

So the emails have been sent out, and now I wait. Terrified. Because surely I can’t write anything better than what I have already? Rejection hurts; I’ve been taking blow after blow for almost three years now. The self-doubt is sometimes overwhelming.

But I could never, ever stop writing. I do it simply because I love it – along with a million other reasons – and even if everyone in the world told me they hated my book, I’d write it anyway. For myself.

If I end up getting an agent and a book deal, I’ll definitely keep posting here! It might be an interesting journey, and I hope it will eventually help other aspiring writers – I used to obsessively read my favourite authors’ blog posts, trying to pick up tips.

When you write, you’re kind of on your own. There’s no set way to do anything – no guidelines. It’s very uncertain. But I guess that’s one reason why I love it so much.